Epiphanal moment!!

Ephiphanal moment:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Katelyn
Date: Jul 26, 2005 11:34 PM

Well, the way I figure, to hell with all this crap about me thinking I won't get it. And if a miracle occurs and somebody riggs the test, I might as well fall flat on my face.

See, I was laying on my bed earlier, thinking about...well, everything. And I decided that life's a balance, and as long as you don't screw with it too badly you'll usually get corresponding good things and bad things. So, the harder I fall the more I'll enjoy the sweet nectar of life. Screw the numbness. I want to live, and I damn well will. No more changing my soul to what I think will please people and whatnot. I need to start re-getting to know who I am. I think I was seriously close to forgetting.

I also decided to know God for who he really is, not what we picture him to be. Yeah, I've heard that so many times. But it finally clicked. That one'll be harder, and a hell of a lot more scary.

*grins* 
 

CHSTrumpeter
Date:	Jul 26, 2005 11:39 PM    Flag spam/abuse. [ ? ]
Subject:	RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: 'ello, poppet!
Body:	-hugs- I love you! Isn't that the truth? I'll say it again "opposition in all things". It goes with what you say- you must know disappointment to feel happiness. And the greater the disappointment, the greater that the happiness is going to feel. Or, in my case, the longer I was away from God- the better (I should say stronger) it felt to come to Him. It's all good. Life is good. For now. Then it goes bad, but when you come back, it feels all that much better. Even in my atheism (which was nothing but pain), I knew I would rather live like that then "numbness". That's why I would never kill myself, no matter how hopeless life seemed to me. Because feeling- being alive- it's all too great in of itself.

It's so fun to get high...

...off of sharpie.

I just outlined a heck of a lot of posters for VBS.  I got my notes for the "Saint" station.  For monday, I get to come up with a saint and a story because the game we had planned isn't going to work out. 

"Righteous got it made like a escalade..."

What the heck is going on?

...and feeling like crap.  Let's see....last night wasn't good.  At all.  Today's better.  My leg hurts like a you know what.  I think I strained a muscle or something.  I need to get home and ice it, though.  (yes, Kayla, that does help.  Are you icing your wrist??)  I'm going to suck it up and quit voice lessons.  My parents could really have a better use for that 35 bucks a week.  I need to get over being extremely jealous of my brother.  Just because my parents were brass players and are really excited about him playing trumpet and he has a step up instrument worth about four times as much as my clarinet is no reason to be jealous.  There's no point in getting anything better anyway...I'll just have two more years in high school and might get a few years in collage.  Maybe I'll even have to drop band, like my dad did. 

God, I hate this.  I just wish...no.  No point in wishing.  It's only reality that really matters.  And what reality is, is that my stuff's perfecting fine for schooling Nathan this year.  Heh, I'm on a huge ego trip with it, seeing as I've never been beaten by anyone my own age.  But frankly, I think that I suck.  I think that I'm just working the system, like in all my other class.  I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else in this damned world.  So what if I get first next year?  Big deal.  Just means that you did better in one tiny instant than twenty something other kids who just don't care as much.  I just want that Nazi in my head to shut up and leave me and my music alone. 

Damn me and my effing lack of self confindence. *hides in dark corner*

I was walking round in circles...

...going five miles an hour...and then I got dizzy and fell on my butt and it hurts.

First off, turns out I'm leading the songs for VBS instead of the third graders.  Last year I would have been terrified, but this year...

I'M PUMPED!!!! WHOOP! WHOOP!

Anywho...

Weeeell, in other news, I got up this morning and Kayla came over.  I made breakfast for both of us, and then we both went to Mass.  Actually, I guess Jess wanted to come too, but we were running late and she called me a bitch so I said "see ya!" and went out the door.  Afterwards Lorin had me and Kayla supposedly help him get ready for Mission Trip tomorrow.  Then my mom called. 

*DUN DUN DUUUUN*

She told me to get home, and that she needed to have a talk with me.

*DUN DUN DUUUUN*

Well, that freaked me a bit, to say the least.  So, when I got to my house it turned out that my mom was ticked that I didn't take Jess, but I told her about the bitch comment and that mulled that over.  She then went on about how I should have told her that Kayla was coming over (big oops on my part XP), but she didn't mind that she did.  Then she kinda talked about how she's mad at Lorin, and then how I needed to manage my time because I wasn't home at all yesterday and I'm leaving for a week, blah blah blah, family blah blah blah (I turned off my brain, aren't you proud of me Kayla?).  THen she went downstairs and told Jess to control her temper, blah blah.  Then we went shopping for shorts (me, jess, mom).  Jess was a total butt on the way to the store, she took my hair tie because it 'was hers, and yes she needed it badly'. But my mom bought me a Snickers at the checkout, which made me feel a bit better.  It's funny how life seems so...yeah...when you turn off your brain. No, my brain's working.  I turned off most of my emotions.  Quite nice, actually.  It's like a nice little fog.

So yeah, to everyone who cares, I'm fine.  Mummy dearest didn't take away mission trip (though she thought out loud about doing that as a way to get back at Lorin, or something like that).  And she keeps suggesting that I contact Kayla and invite her to the non-existant Teen Adoration tonight.  That's only if she doesn't have practice.  Ah well.  I still feel a bit...numb, but it really could be worse and I'm thawing out nicely.

Will somebody please...

...just kill me now?

Going...going...

My dad's best friend and his wife and kids came over for a few days.  They were doing a tour of the north west, I guess.  Tim (dad's best friends name)  is a pretty cool guy, and his daughters are really sweet.  Yeah, me and the girls took a while to get along with 'flowing' conversation.  But last night it started going pretty well.  Only sad part about that is that they're leaving for Portland today, and then heading back around to Seattle and Olympia. 

Know what that means?  I"M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't play hostess very well during the summer when I'm forced to.  

But today...

I have to babysit four kids for a few hours (parents going on a lunch date, I guess), then at five I come back to the church office (where I am right now) and goof off until my Mission Trip meeting at six, then my Girls' Club meeting at 7:30. I'm on vacation bible school overload. 

I'm preparing for the St. Thomas Church VBS with the girls' club, which takes place the week after the week after Mission Trip.  I leave for Mission Trip on Saturday. (four days...).  On Mission Trip, 22 of us are putting on the same VBS for a bunch of underprivledged kids in Brewster, WA in the mornings, then driving back to Okanogan, WA, where we're sleeping to put on the same one for a bunch of kids there.  SOOO....that all means that these next few day's I'm on poster making/song singing overload until I leave to put on the VBS twice in a week at the same time, then I get back to start VBS Boot Camp for the VBS at ST. Thomas that I had already done twice.  Week after boot camp I"m putting on the VBS for all the extremely ungrateful kids at ST. Thomas.  Three times, with a week of redundant rehearsal in between.  So basically, I'm going to be very VBSy until August.  Joy.

I really enjoy the VBSes though.  Painting posters, getting high off of sharpies that we use to outline the posters because certain people can't paint inside the lines, learning songs that'll get stuck in my head for months afterward.  We reuse songs, and I find it truely amazing that I not only remember ALL the lyrics from ALL the songs from last year, but ALL the hand motions as well.  What's really amazing is that I remember them well enough to teach to all the other leaders who don't remember.  I haven't touched these songs in a year...wow.  *bounces*  I'm proud of myself. 

"We are apostles. Apostles?  Apostles for Christ..."

"I like bananas.  I know that mangoes are sweet.  I like papyas - papyas? but nothing can beat that sweeeeeeeet loooove of God! herewego-herewego-herewego..."

"Come, and go with me, to, my Father's house..."

"Love. The. Lord your God with all your heart. And. All your soul and all your mind.  And. Love all mankind as you would love yourself and Love. The. Lord your God..."

*grins and bounces*  I'm really excited for it.  The kids are split up into groups by grade level.  I'm gotten third grade for three years in a row now.  It's the best group of kids by far.  Actually, I've got second/third grade boys, but that's still the best.  First of all, our color is green (probably dark).  My favorite.   Secondly, third graders are so much fun.  They're old enough that they'll join in with everything (with a little prodding at times), but still young enough to think that you're cool and won't mouth off to you and will do what you say.  *dances* 

I'm so exciiiiiiiiiiited!