So...I should probably update on finals week and such, huh?
Jazz Band: A
AP English: B , probably. Got an 83 with the two combined parts of the final (100n the vocab, 10/15 on the AP practice test. grrrrrr...I got a 100 for nothing)
AP Calculus: Not sure, but I'm praying for a B. I think I did well on the final, but I thought I did well on my Ch. 4 test and got a whopping 69å/P>
Chemistry: B. *DEEP BREATH* I'll talk about this in a sec. It needs it's own paragraph. Or not. Okay, so I think I actually may have potential to like Chemistry. Really. But Palmer just frustrates me so much. Choosing between getting 6 hours of sleep and busywork from chemistry isn't hard. Sleep affects all my classes, end of story. I was even nodding off in Minder's today (same time as my usual fifth, where I really have to struggle not to take a nap most of the time).
Band: A. Duh. probably over a 100å/P>
US History: A-, but might be an A after the final. I really don't know.
German II: solid B. 40/50 on my Listening, 70/100 on my Written, 25/25 on my oral. But miraculously, Minder curved the listening and writing. So I went from a B- to a solid B. Not too horrible, I guess. But I kicked butt on the oral. I'm really excited (or was) about that.
So yeah, Mostly B's. I just...I don't know. I'm so frustrated with everything. German, yeah, I've come to expect a B. Foreign language doesn't come naturally to me. English was an A for the longest time. I don't know what happened there. Calc...is a super challenge for me. I just kinda suck at it. So if I can keep a B in it, I'll be really happy. I found out that Tim Shigeta is actually taking independant Calculus II, but just sits and learns in a Calc I (my level) class. I really could use taking calc over again, just to really make sure I have the basics. But frankly I'm going to need as much help as I can for college stuff. I.e, I don't need to look bad. History should have been an A. But oh well. I"ll get like a 97 next semester. Chem...blah. Here's where my breakdown started.
Today I wasn't feeling that great, because even though I think I did pretty well on my Calc final, I don't think I did, because last time I felt this way I didn't do well, so...BLAH! Anywho, I take the AP Practice test for English, and find out after school I only got ten right. ThAT really kinda sucked. I thought I actually did well on it, like at least a 12. There were just too many that I came really close between two on. I'm worried about what happens when we take the test in May...I've always practically bombed the Multiple Choice practices. Found out I did okay in German, which was kinda nice, I guess. Just didn't help really at all with me feeling kinda, "okay, this kinda went completely downhill from wednesday, when I did really well. Evidentally, that was too good to be true. I really should have foreseen that." SO after school, I go with Kayla and check grades, hitting Palmers class. What I translated from her was, " Kayla, good job, you get an A- for all your hard work. 'Now Katelyn, you didn't do so well (because, you know, 85n the final that half the kids failed isn't well)...*blah blah blah, my life is so hard grading finals, blah blah blah*...I can't decide whether to bump grades based on the raw score or with the curve..."
If she based it on the curve (I'd get 93she'd bump my grade, raw score she wouldn't. So YES, PALMER, PLAY WITH MY GRADE RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, I CERTAINLY DON'T CARE IF I GET A B OR B OR WHATEVER! Of course, she chooses to go with the raw score. So my grade stays a B. All that crap I put into Chemistry was for nothing. ABSOLUTELY nothing.
"You know you did sluff off towards the end..."
Oh, my dear teacher! Do you feel the need to really justify your not bumping my grade up? Well, I'm so sorry but, TAKE YOUR FREAKING EXCUSES AND SHOVE THEM!!!!!
Yes, I know I didn't do some of my stuff. It's called, Junior research project, non fiction project, trying to learn calc because i've been doing CHEMISTRY in it for a few days, dealing with my family, trying to develope a spiritual life (we are even going into THAT minefield...yet) and doing the normal crap. I don't care. Yeah, I did sacrifice your class to the GPA gods. Don't freaking treat me like i"m stupid. School wasn't nearly as hard for you at my age than it is for me and my peers.
AND SHE FREAKING DOES GET PAID FOR MONDAY!!!! IT'S A TEACHER INSERVICE DAY!!!!!!!
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"Drive out pitilessly the instinctive feeling of superiority, which blinds those who are in a dominant position here below nad who forget that many of these poor, who are their brother, are very often much superior to them in the spiritual and supernatural order.
Thus, yhou must not bluntly tell someone who is not a saint and who trembles under the weight of a trial - perhaps an old man bent by age and physical deficiencies - 'You have only to abandon yourself to the will of God, and you will have a more beautiful Heaven one day.' That could appear to be patronizing and a way of shruggin off his complaints.
However, you must always bear in mind that little by little, with a thousand light touches of tact, that is the point at which you must arrive." - From I Believe in Love, pages 183-184
Yeah. Basically the complete definition of my spirituality at this point. Yes, I comprehend what I read for DTS. Right now I just feel like the old man bent by age and physical deficiencies. I feel like this book wasn't written for me. Yes, maybe eventually. Yes, I'm of course not entirely 'spiritually ready' to fully understand and should learn what it teaches (I hate saying that...takes way to much humility for my taste). But I can't be fixed in an instant. I don't know where to go, really. The people I sorta let in on my whole state try their best, I know must be. But it isn't really working. I honestly just don't know what to do.
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Between school and the spiritual plane, I feel like I should be at a point farther ahead. I feel like I'm in a maze, and I haven't come up with a way out yet and the rest of my companions have. And here I go, getting all emotional again. Guess that means I'll stop for the moment.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I officially say TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!
