Sunday, December 17, 2006

Happy is a Yuppie Word

Ah, the intracasies of life.

Today is Gaudete (sp) Sunday.  18 church years ago I was born.  You know what's ironic?  My favorite Bible verses are the Second reading for today.  AND, I tell thee, the Church runs on a three year cycle for readings (years A, B, and C), so we basically go through the whole Bible in three years.  Anywho, I was born on a Gaudete Sunday in Year C, and today was a Gaudete Sunday in Year C.  The Second Reading was from Phillipians, Ch. 4.  Irony?  Maybe.  Destiny? Not quite.  Amusing?  Definitely.

I have to work Dec. 27.  SnoTrip is Dec. 27 - Dec. 29.  Suckiness.  The Good News: I can come up REAALLY early on the 28th. Bad News: I only get one night and a day and a half of SnoTrip, the best youth group technicly non-religious event EVER.  Meh.

...

Two questions have perturbed me for the last while. 

1) What does Katelyn want for Christmas?

2) What will make Katelyn happy? 
     2b) What is best for the greater good?
     2c) Is the greater good what will bring happiness?
     2d) Is all this worth it?

...

Saturday, Dave and Joey found out that I'm legal now.  And the guys on the line (all five of them) gave me crap about actually having eye makeup on.  My mind told them to shove it where the sun don't shine, my mouth said that they just don't pay attention.  Dave, after harassing me, said it looked nice.  He's not such a meanie face.  Yes, I actually do wear stuff when I think about putting it on and have copius amounts of time to get ready for work.  So there. *pouts*

...

*crawls into a ball*

Why?  Why here, why now?  There is a reason for everything. Tell me the reason. 

Why?  Why all this?

I don't know.  Soemone has to.  but that someone isn't talking.  Duh.  Maybe I'm supposed to figure it out on my own.  But to what ends would that bring us?  Us?  Yes, us.  How many of us are there?  At least three.  Make that four.  Hi.  Yo.  What's up, ya'll?  FOCUS!!

Now, back to the question.  What ends?

There are many.  Yeas, we know.  If we could find the greater lesson that is trying to be taught in this... But we never figure the lesson out until we hit the 'now what have we learned today?' part of the situation.  It's impossible otherwise.  Is it?  ...  Yes.   At the moment, at least.  Then it's not impossible.  Nothing is impossible, just improbable.  True Dat. 

Think back, and weigh.  Weigh life. 

We're shooting in the dark.  Yeah, I know.  The bow and arrow has been given to us, though.  Not someone else.  We are to shoot, it doesn't matter that we can't see.  We still have to shoot.  But we've gone through lots of arrows.  Yeah, well, we're bound to hit the target sometime.  Like that girl in that book Twighlight trying to find that place in the woods.  Right. 

Hush.  Now think. Immer mit der Ruhe, bitte.

Play by ear?  But we're going deaf, remember that ringing sound yesterday?  Yes, quite frustrating.  Being deaf would suck majorly.  All we can do is our best.  But what is best?  Best vs. Our Best.  They were synonymous for a while, way back when. Makes it hard to separate now. 

It could be worse.  Yes.  Definitely.

The course of action we have decided on is to contemplate.  Good.  Thank you, my dear council.

...

Good night, my dear friends.  Rosenkranz and Guildenstern are in need of sleep, and so are we. 

And I must return to contemplating the mysteries of the universe to my own puny existence and that which is inbetween.  It's the only way to start to regain myself back from Secular Humanism's hold. 

Adieu, mon Amor.

Meine Liebe Immer zu ihr, Meine Freundin und Freunde

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

*Laughs hysterically*

1,536 Words on the Ugliness of Frankenstein's Monster.

 

And my first draft is done.  T minus 48 hours until I need a 90% to get a 90%

There was a time when I wouldn't even think of skipping school.  YAY for being a senior, YAY for being 18, YAY for my car, YAY for recklessness!!!! 

I should probably get back to school now.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

insomnia

It's nearly one am.  I don't remember the last time I voluntarily stayed up this late.  I haven't experianced teh golden hour of philosophy for a while.  There. I just turned out the light.  I think I need to learn to stay up later more.  It moakes me feel more alive.  More me.  I haven't been myself for a while.  I think I was dangerously close to losing myself entirely.  But then stuf happens, and you regain consciousness.  Like coming up for air in a dream where you're underwater and can't find the surface. 

Sleep is for the weak.  Sleep is for the shallow.  Either that or I'm just too crippled to handle being deep without the night.  It's tantalizing.  This feeling like anything at all could happen.  God could appear before me or a vampire knock on my window, and I wouldn't be surprised. shocked, yes, but...

I need to go sit out on my roof more.  recently I was able to forget all the worries that have enslaved me for so long, just for a while. 

Freedom is mine, the earth is still.  I can feel the air, I can breathe AGAIN!

Just breathe.

That's all.  Just breathe.

...

Take me away.  I've escaped reality for a few precious minutes.  Reality is no longer reality.  Reality no longer exists.  It's fantasical. 

Take me away.  Lift me from this pit of vipers.  take me away, to the higher place. 

Ya'll probably think I've gone insane.  Kayla probably doesn't.  This is the other side of sanity, after all.  I just haven't visited for a while.  Anne Rice call's it the Golden Moment.  The moment when everything makes sense, it's magical, the moment in which philosophy and thought flows like Niagra.  It's like Nirvana.  Only not as extreme, not quite there.

I never want to leave this place.  Who has been here?  The sky's a puky brown grey red again tonight.  Otherwise we might be able to see the Aurora.  Ahh, the beauty of her.  I want to go to the Far North, to the artic north, the cold, where you see the Aurora Borealis every night.  Pullman's captured my fancy.  Just call me Lyra Belaqua.

I can't bring myself to ponder the minutia of 'modern existance'.  It's like breathing fresh air after living in a crowded room for months, no windows, stuffy as hell.  I refuse.  NO! I won't be part of this, this matrix of society. 

And yet not all good things must come to an end, but this shall.  Practicality calls, and he says I need sleep.  Screw sleep.  But no.

Alright, then.  I will only leave if you promise to bring me back. 

Okay then.  Good.

Goodnight, my dear mortals.  So many just don't understand, they just don't comprehend.  Come, fly with me. 

Goodnight.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Now, do you have to order all 360 degrees of a pizza, or can you just get 180?

***DISCLAIMOR: This is probably going to be an incredibly boring blog***

I haven't said anything in here for a while.  Hmmmm....

Nine days and I'll be 18.  Scary thought, actually.  Haven't really thought about it until a few days ago when Ashley asked what I was planning for our birthday.  (she's five hours older than me)  I need to think of something good.  Hmmmm...

I forgot to ask Teighlor last night if she could work for me on the 11th.  So I'll probably end up working.  Meh.  ooh.

First off, if I'm gonna talk about work, I'll give ya'll a dictionary first.

Dave is my boss.  He signs my paychecks, works in the kitchen, gives me lectures and comes up with nicknames for some people.  His natural personality is very Jerky.  But he's gotten better over time.  You don't take any critism he gives you personally, it's all business. And he likes to give critism. Dave intimidates the heck out of me sometimes. Joey is my other boss.  He's a tier below Dave, handles most scheduling changes, helps out everywhere, and is generally a nice guy.  Joey has a nicer way of telling people how to improve that doesn't make you feel like a failure as a human being.  Joey first came off as a little creepy, but saved my butt numerous times, so he's okay.  Both Joey and Dave have girlfriends, but only Dave's stops by sometimes.  Brad is Dave's boss, and works at Roots.  Roots is kinda like our parent restaurant.  I don't talk to Brad much, just a 'hi' when he walks in to talk to Dave. I did talk to Brad twice, once about school, the second about colleges.  He's nice, but is somewhat intimidating because he IS my boss's boss. 

Max, Justin, Ryan and a few others are Cooks.  Max likes to do impressions of me, more often than Dave does.  Especially on Monday's, one of Dave's days off.  Max is a manager, too.  He called me Daria for a few weeks.  Justin (I think) is a CHS graduate.  He's cool, and usually makes salads or Pasta. He and Ryan are nice.  I usually get the specials from Ryan.  Usually the cooks just talk to me when they need an order clarified, or if they have some witty backhanded comment to make. 

Cynthia, Celeste, Jill, Keesa, Luka and Nate are Servers.  They rank a tier above me.  They're all quite nice to me.  Nate plays the drums.  Celeste is married, Cynthia has two kids and a boyfriend, and Jill has a daughter and I either a boyfriend or a husband.  Luka is from Croatia.  Keesa's nice, and likes to shop.  Celeste and Jill are total sweethearts to me, Cynthia and Jill rant about rude customers to me, Cynthia more than Jill. Keesa talks to me about random stuff, and about whether or not "it's gonna happen" tonight.  Nate's nice, as well as Luka, but Nate talks to me a bit more, and Luka sucks up to Dave a bit, which (at least) Jill doesn't like. 

Nate is also a busser, along with Jeff.  Jeff is a senior at Mountain View, and is generally a nice guy.  On slow days we talk about AP Gov and stuff.  Jeff also works at Roots, knows how to completely keep his cool and is trusted by Dave to get his job done.  The bussers are one tier below me.

Teighlor, Perri, and Me are Hostesses.  We seat people, keep a steady rotation between the servers so they get the same number of tables (which, btw, gets thrown out the window on busy days), bring toys to tables with kids, take drink orders from people who are waiting for a table (which is interesting, because I'm technicly not allowed to pour alcohol, just serve, so I have to get someone else to pour.  People also ask me which wines I prefer, even though I'm obviously not 21 yet), take carry out orders, keep people who are waiting happy, play tetris with the tables to get the optimal about of people seated as quickly as possible, and clean the menus and windows.  Britnee worked there the longest, and I think is Brad's sister.  She trained me and Perri and had a dirty mouth.  She's in Montana now, though. Teighlor has now worked there the longest of us three, and used to be a Server as well.  But, she took practicly the whole month of October off, so now she just Hosts.  That situation is a little fuzzy.  Teighlor does a good job when she's doing her job, and I like working with her because of it.  Her only flaw is that she's a snobby rich girl with an attitude problem, and Dave and Joey both know that.  Joey doesn't like her, and is waiting for her to quit. Perri is the newest of us, and works Thursdays and Fridays, and also has a job at Starbucks.  She's Keesa's sister.  There's a bit of tension between me and Perri, because she's one of the snobby girls, but she doesn't have a big attitude.  Teighlor works Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  I work Monday through Wednesday.  There's no tension between me and Teighlor from my end, but Joey thinks that she's getting to be jealous of me because he keeps cutting her first when we work together (which is only twice) and had her doing rollups in the back when we were both working and we were low.

TERMS:

The Line: our kitchen is one big rectangle, that we really could set up a bunch of bar stools in front of.  The counter on one sid eof the kitchen that we pick food up on is called the Line, but the kitchen is also sometimes refered to as the line.

Cut:  Slang for "as soon as you finish what you're doing you can go home"

Rollups: Knife, fork, spoon, rolled in a napkin.

to Drop Food on table...: Take a plate of food from the line, look up on the ticket where it goes, wipe the edge of the plate and bring it to a table to the correct person number. 

Ticket: Food order receit for kitchen, server and hostess (when carry out) use.

Person Number: Starting from the closest person on the Server's left, the order goes clockwise.  EX:

              1  2                2  3
                                    1  4

"...Gonna Happen?": Are we going to get good business tonight?

on: working (who's on tonight?)

Push:  The high point of customer flow.  Can get pretty crazy.

Sections 1,2,3:  This may be obvious, but just the different areas where people can sit.  Section 3 is on the side, where you walk in.  Not many people like sitting there if they don't have to, because unlike 1 and 2, it's not 'where the action is'.  It's also the closest thing we have to a private section, which isn't much.  The tables are numbered by section.  Tables 10-16 are 1, 20-26 are two, and 30-35 are three.  In the summer, when we have the Patio open, those are 40-49, with 50 as the big picnic table.

Okay, I think that's it. on to my blogging.

----------------------------------

I wasn't supposed to work Friday night, but I got a call on thursday from Perri, so I canceled my plans.  Joey cut Teighlor first.  I was working for Perri.  Teigh was asking me if I would tell Joey that I wanted to stay later that night, so she could go home and avoid Dave because he was going to 'yell at her' about something.  I said I wasn't sure, because it was one of the days, Kayla, that you were going to leave a message on my phone.  Oh, now I remember.  It was the night when we went to Kyann's house and went walking around.  So later, business is pretty slow, so he asks us who wants to leave.  I found that odd, because normally I'd get off first, because Perri's shift technicly ends before Teigh's.  Well, Teighlor doesn't say anything, and I'm not going to volunteer myself, because you can make a crapload of tips on Fridays because so many servers are on, and lots of people do carry out.  Joey basically says, "well do rock paper sissors."  He comes back like two seconds later, and seeing as we didn't decide, cuts Teighlor.  

Basically, Joey doesn't seem to like Teigh too much because she has a nasty attitude, and is filthy rich and makes comments relating to it.  He says he's getting tired of always having to change the schedule, and seeing as I work pretty consistently on my shift, he'd rather have me take over her shift.  Frankly, if he had it his way I'd be working five days a week, just because I never take any time off.  (Total of two days since August, including this Wednesday.)

You know what I have to say?  HIGHER SOMEONE ELSE!!! 

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Soundbites

*sigh*  Some people have already said it better...

Dancing when the stars go blue...

Look at this photograph, everytime it makes me...

I'm here without you, baby, but you're still with me in my dreams...

Carry meee, I'm just a dead man lying on the carpet...

Isn't it ironic?...

Hollowman, I don't wanna be liiike yooou...

Heaven's gates won't open up for me, with these broken wings I'm calling...

With drops of Jupiter in her haaaiiiir....

Wake me up when September ends...

Too young, for him they told her waiting for the love of a traveling soldier...

Two am and I'm still awake writing a song if I get it all out on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to...

Thursday, September 7, 2006

An eerily accurate quizzle

Stolen from Kayla.  Kinda crazy how close it is - with under 50 questions, too.


My Personality

Neuroticism
64
Extraversion
35
Openness To Experience
24
Agreeableness
13
Conscientiousness
61
Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

Bebo, Ugg Boots and MySpace Layouts by Pulseware Survey Software


Neuroticism

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score 64
Anxiety 56
Anger 57
Depression 74
Self-Consciousness 30
Immoderation 84
Vulnerability 57

Stressful and frustrating situations can often be upsetting to you, but you are sometimes able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. You are generally calm, although some situations can make you feel anxious or tense. You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. You tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you. You feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. High levels of stress can lead to you feeling panic or confusion, but usually you cope with day to day pressures.

 


Extraversion

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score 35
Friendliness 64
Gregariousness 24
Assertiveness 68
Activity Level 65
Excitement-Seeking 23
Cheerfulness 4

You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You generally make friends easily enough although you mostly don't go out of your way to demonstrate positive feelings toward others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. You are usually the leader in group activites. You lead a moderately paced life. You like some energetic activities, but also like to relax and take it easy. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits.

 


Openness To Experience

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score 24
Imagination 39
Artistic Interests 50
Emotionality 8
Adventurousness 39
Intellect 92
Liberalism 1

As a practical person you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative. You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition.

 


Agreeableness

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score 13
Trust 73
Morality (Moreso openess to reveal stuff) 1
Altruism 17
Cooperation 19
Modesty 38
Sympathy 29

People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You naturally assume that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You are willing to take credit for good things that you do but you don't often talk yourself up much. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

 


Conscientiousness

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score 61
Self-Efficacy 84
Orderliness 40
Dutifulness 54
Achievement-Striving 63
Self-Discipline 21
Cautiousness 84

You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled. You believe that you have the intelligence, common sense, drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. You are a reasonably organized person and like to have a certain amount of routine in your life. You sense of duty and obligation is average and although you are mostly responsible you can sometimes be unreliable. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives. .

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I've come to a conclusion

My dear St. Thomas Youth Groupies:

Lorin has been telling us repeatedly that this is OUR youth group, and we should act accordingly.  So I am.  I've been listening to lots of views and opinions on the different changes that are going to happen pretty soon, and I finally feel the need to spew officially. And please hear me out.

First off, I love you all very much.  We've been through a lot together, and that has to mean something.

Second, I think some of you are off your rocker, flying over the cookoo's nest, insane, and crazy for what I've been noticing. 

Bluntly, I think some of us have stopped acting like members of the youth group.  I know it sucks that Lorin's not going to be our official minister anymore, and I think yes, he most certainly is still one of my dear friends. 

But I don't like how some of us have started acting.  Some of the side comments being made, the knowing glances  (hell, me and Kayla are telepathic, I know what telepathy looks like) that tell me that some of you have changed.  I've heard so much crap about how the core of our YG is the 'elite' and no one else is allowed in.  Of course, it's not entirely that way.  But how true is it, that we have become the elite?  I think it comes down to this: are we Lorin's youth group, or the one at St. Thomas? 

Lorin has had a profound impact on each and every one of our lives, make no mistake.  Of course I still want to stay connected with him, and hang out and such.  But I have been getting the feeling of quite a lot of resistance to our new leader.  Yes, this is OUR youth group.  But we are getting a new leader.  And as a result, I think there is going to be a split between those who stay attached to Lorin as leader and those who are willing to take on the challenge of having a new one.  Lorin's said it a million times, I know.  But I don't think it's resonating.  I am still getting the impression that some of us aren't going to move with the changes, and that there inevitably will be a rift between the old gaurd and the new. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm staying at St. Thomas.  I'm sticking it out here.  Dammit, you guys!!  I know none of us can see the whole picture from the outside, including me.  But I don't like what I do see.  I'm not going to get into specifics online, I'd much rather tell you in person. 

Yeah, it sucks that times are changing.  Yeah, we want to be loyal to Lorin.  But I think some of what's been said about wanting to accept and change and move with the current is pure shit.  So decide.  Are we going to stay united at St. Thomas, and make this youth group work, or are we going to go off and do our own thing?  Because I'm staying here.