*rolls over*

Hmmm...rereading things over, it seems as though I should clarify a bit.

I don't hate my life.  Life is the only thing/state that I've ever known, and leaving this state would be stepping into theh quasi-unknown, which is scary.  Meaning, I do 'know' what's beyond life, but I haven't realized it with every fiber of my being. 

I love God.  Heck, you too would love the person who gave you everything.  But I don't love Him perfectly.  I don't like that. 

I'm just stuck in a rut.

Yes, I'd defend my faith to the grave.  I think.  Meaning, I'm Catholic forever and I think everyone else should be too, but I think I'd be willing to be a martyr.  Not know, think.

I feel like I'm missing something.  Just one link in the chain, one chunk of the puzzle.  I know it's somewhere in the Catholic Faith.  It has to be.  I'm beyond discussing that option.  But where?  Yeah, I know, just let yourself be washed over by His love, let it fully unite itself with every atom that your made of.  BUT HOW???  No, I think I know how.  I've just poisoned myself against it.  I've covered it up so much that I can't see it or find it anymore...

---

Wait...mom should be done with childcare by now...she said that I could come over here and look up some stuff (which I did)...but that was two hours ago...I'll go check on her in a sec. THe mission can't last this long, can it?

---

But anywho, yeah.  Outside, I'm fine.  inside, I'm just missing something.  I'm not quite sure what it is or how to get it, but I think I will someday.  I'm just a very impatient person.  I want to love God more.  I just have to let myself...

easier said than done, eh? ;)

*sighs* All righty.  Going to check on mummy dearest.  I have to say, I'm a bit worried.  Ah well.  What's the worst that can happen?  It's probably nothing. :)

Lyrics, continued

FM Static says it quie nicely:

you've been trying to get me open
caught out in the open
everyone is hopeing youd give
anything to take this
everything that breaks this
everyone is faceless
give me
something to believe in
quick or else im leaving
need a better reason
i know
things get complicated
so miseducated
it's a wonder that made it

situation
a little speculation
what are we facing
too much complications
looking for a name
in a new generation
a new focus
new destination

i don't wanna look
i just wanna find
gimme gimme something to believe in
keep your religion, don't need your lies
i'm just looking for one good reason
feel like it's teenage hunting season
but nothing out there sounds half decent
who's out there? who's going to save us
before we all fall through the cracks in the pavement

you've been trying to get me open
caught out in the open
everyone is hopeing
give me
something to believe in
quick or else im leaving
need a better reason
i know

i'm never gonna fall in line
so don't even bother wasting your time
i'm a breed of a different kind
stand back just to invade your mind

situation
under speculation
what are we facing?
too much complications
looking for a name
in a new generation
a new focus
new destination

i don't wanna look
i just wanna find
gimme gimme something to believe in
keep your religion, don't need your lies
i'm just looking for one good reason
feel like it's teenage hunting season
but nothing out there sounds half decent
who's out there? who's going to save us
before we all fall through the cracks in the pavement

and if you don't know what im talking about
it's probably better cause im working out
don't wanna spend my lifetime figurin out
that i coulda just said one prayer

and if you know what i'm talking about
then together were both working it out
don't wanna spend my lifetime figuring out
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over
i missed the point now it's over

Something like that.  Everybody has different lyrics...heh heh...

Some just say it better

Hmmm...

I'm off to do childcare for the mission at my church, but I'd thought that I'd make a bit of an update, seeing as my home computer is basically just a hunk of metal and plastic at the moment.

Some people have already said it so much better, so why should I try to say it again?

...and now again I find myself so far down, away from the Son...

...and I can't let that happen, again...this is no place to try and live my life...cuz who I am hates who I've been...

Whoops, gotta go.  more music lyrics later.  Hopefully.  and thanks for the comment, allison.

Gotta love my three doors down and reliant K.

Later...

GAH!

I'm in a dry point in my spiritual life.  Badly.  I need to be open to GOd.  Grrr.