Happy is a Yuppie Word

Ah, the intracasies of life.

Today is Gaudete (sp) Sunday.  18 church years ago I was born.  You know what's ironic?  My favorite Bible verses are the Second reading for today.  AND, I tell thee, the Church runs on a three year cycle for readings (years A, B, and C), so we basically go through the whole Bible in three years.  Anywho, I was born on a Gaudete Sunday in Year C, and today was a Gaudete Sunday in Year C.  The Second Reading was from Phillipians, Ch. 4.  Irony?  Maybe.  Destiny? Not quite.  Amusing?  Definitely.

I have to work Dec. 27.  SnoTrip is Dec. 27 - Dec. 29.  Suckiness.  The Good News: I can come up REAALLY early on the 28th. Bad News: I only get one night and a day and a half of SnoTrip, the best youth group technicly non-religious event EVER.  Meh.

...

Two questions have perturbed me for the last while. 

1) What does Katelyn want for Christmas?

2) What will make Katelyn happy? 
     2b) What is best for the greater good?
     2c) Is the greater good what will bring happiness?
     2d) Is all this worth it?

...

Saturday, Dave and Joey found out that I'm legal now.  And the guys on the line (all five of them) gave me crap about actually having eye makeup on.  My mind told them to shove it where the sun don't shine, my mouth said that they just don't pay attention.  Dave, after harassing me, said it looked nice.  He's not such a meanie face.  Yes, I actually do wear stuff when I think about putting it on and have copius amounts of time to get ready for work.  So there. *pouts*

...

*crawls into a ball*

Why?  Why here, why now?  There is a reason for everything. Tell me the reason. 

Why?  Why all this?

I don't know.  Soemone has to.  but that someone isn't talking.  Duh.  Maybe I'm supposed to figure it out on my own.  But to what ends would that bring us?  Us?  Yes, us.  How many of us are there?  At least three.  Make that four.  Hi.  Yo.  What's up, ya'll?  FOCUS!!

Now, back to the question.  What ends?

There are many.  Yeas, we know.  If we could find the greater lesson that is trying to be taught in this... But we never figure the lesson out until we hit the 'now what have we learned today?' part of the situation.  It's impossible otherwise.  Is it?  ...  Yes.   At the moment, at least.  Then it's not impossible.  Nothing is impossible, just improbable.  True Dat. 

Think back, and weigh.  Weigh life. 

We're shooting in the dark.  Yeah, I know.  The bow and arrow has been given to us, though.  Not someone else.  We are to shoot, it doesn't matter that we can't see.  We still have to shoot.  But we've gone through lots of arrows.  Yeah, well, we're bound to hit the target sometime.  Like that girl in that book Twighlight trying to find that place in the woods.  Right. 

Hush.  Now think. Immer mit der Ruhe, bitte.

Play by ear?  But we're going deaf, remember that ringing sound yesterday?  Yes, quite frustrating.  Being deaf would suck majorly.  All we can do is our best.  But what is best?  Best vs. Our Best.  They were synonymous for a while, way back when. Makes it hard to separate now. 

It could be worse.  Yes.  Definitely.

The course of action we have decided on is to contemplate.  Good.  Thank you, my dear council.

...

Good night, my dear friends.  Rosenkranz and Guildenstern are in need of sleep, and so are we. 

And I must return to contemplating the mysteries of the universe to my own puny existence and that which is inbetween.  It's the only way to start to regain myself back from Secular Humanism's hold. 

Adieu, mon Amor.

Meine Liebe Immer zu ihr, Meine Freundin und Freunde

*Laughs hysterically*

1,536 Words on the Ugliness of Frankenstein's Monster.

 

And my first draft is done.  T minus 48 hours until I need a 90% to get a 90%

There was a time when I wouldn't even think of skipping school.  YAY for being a senior, YAY for being 18, YAY for my car, YAY for recklessness!!!! 

I should probably get back to school now.

insomnia

It's nearly one am.  I don't remember the last time I voluntarily stayed up this late.  I haven't experianced teh golden hour of philosophy for a while.  There. I just turned out the light.  I think I need to learn to stay up later more.  It moakes me feel more alive.  More me.  I haven't been myself for a while.  I think I was dangerously close to losing myself entirely.  But then stuf happens, and you regain consciousness.  Like coming up for air in a dream where you're underwater and can't find the surface. 

Sleep is for the weak.  Sleep is for the shallow.  Either that or I'm just too crippled to handle being deep without the night.  It's tantalizing.  This feeling like anything at all could happen.  God could appear before me or a vampire knock on my window, and I wouldn't be surprised. shocked, yes, but...

I need to go sit out on my roof more.  recently I was able to forget all the worries that have enslaved me for so long, just for a while. 

Freedom is mine, the earth is still.  I can feel the air, I can breathe AGAIN!

Just breathe.

That's all.  Just breathe.

...

Take me away.  I've escaped reality for a few precious minutes.  Reality is no longer reality.  Reality no longer exists.  It's fantasical. 

Take me away.  Lift me from this pit of vipers.  take me away, to the higher place. 

Ya'll probably think I've gone insane.  Kayla probably doesn't.  This is the other side of sanity, after all.  I just haven't visited for a while.  Anne Rice call's it the Golden Moment.  The moment when everything makes sense, it's magical, the moment in which philosophy and thought flows like Niagra.  It's like Nirvana.  Only not as extreme, not quite there.

I never want to leave this place.  Who has been here?  The sky's a puky brown grey red again tonight.  Otherwise we might be able to see the Aurora.  Ahh, the beauty of her.  I want to go to the Far North, to the artic north, the cold, where you see the Aurora Borealis every night.  Pullman's captured my fancy.  Just call me Lyra Belaqua.

I can't bring myself to ponder the minutia of 'modern existance'.  It's like breathing fresh air after living in a crowded room for months, no windows, stuffy as hell.  I refuse.  NO! I won't be part of this, this matrix of society. 

And yet not all good things must come to an end, but this shall.  Practicality calls, and he says I need sleep.  Screw sleep.  But no.

Alright, then.  I will only leave if you promise to bring me back. 

Okay then.  Good.

Goodnight, my dear mortals.  So many just don't understand, they just don't comprehend.  Come, fly with me. 

Goodnight.

Now, do you have to order all 360 degrees of a pizza, or can you just get 180?

***DISCLAIMOR: This is probably going to be an incredibly boring blog***

I haven't said anything in here for a while.  Hmmmm....

Nine days and I'll be 18.  Scary thought, actually.  Haven't really thought about it until a few days ago when Ashley asked what I was planning for our birthday.  (she's five hours older than me)  I need to think of something good.  Hmmmm...

I forgot to ask Teighlor last night if she could work for me on the 11th.  So I'll probably end up working.  Meh.  ooh.

First off, if I'm gonna talk about work, I'll give ya'll a dictionary first.

Dave is my boss.  He signs my paychecks, works in the kitchen, gives me lectures and comes up with nicknames for some people.  His natural personality is very Jerky.  But he's gotten better over time.  You don't take any critism he gives you personally, it's all business. And he likes to give critism. Dave intimidates the heck out of me sometimes. Joey is my other boss.  He's a tier below Dave, handles most scheduling changes, helps out everywhere, and is generally a nice guy.  Joey has a nicer way of telling people how to improve that doesn't make you feel like a failure as a human being.  Joey first came off as a little creepy, but saved my butt numerous times, so he's okay.  Both Joey and Dave have girlfriends, but only Dave's stops by sometimes.  Brad is Dave's boss, and works at Roots.  Roots is kinda like our parent restaurant.  I don't talk to Brad much, just a 'hi' when he walks in to talk to Dave. I did talk to Brad twice, once about school, the second about colleges.  He's nice, but is somewhat intimidating because he IS my boss's boss. 

Max, Justin, Ryan and a few others are Cooks.  Max likes to do impressions of me, more often than Dave does.  Especially on Monday's, one of Dave's days off.  Max is a manager, too.  He called me Daria for a few weeks.  Justin (I think) is a CHS graduate.  He's cool, and usually makes salads or Pasta. He and Ryan are nice.  I usually get the specials from Ryan.  Usually the cooks just talk to me when they need an order clarified, or if they have some witty backhanded comment to make. 

Cynthia, Celeste, Jill, Keesa, Luka and Nate are Servers.  They rank a tier above me.  They're all quite nice to me.  Nate plays the drums.  Celeste is married, Cynthia has two kids and a boyfriend, and Jill has a daughter and I either a boyfriend or a husband.  Luka is from Croatia.  Keesa's nice, and likes to shop.  Celeste and Jill are total sweethearts to me, Cynthia and Jill rant about rude customers to me, Cynthia more than Jill. Keesa talks to me about random stuff, and about whether or not "it's gonna happen" tonight.  Nate's nice, as well as Luka, but Nate talks to me a bit more, and Luka sucks up to Dave a bit, which (at least) Jill doesn't like. 

Nate is also a busser, along with Jeff.  Jeff is a senior at Mountain View, and is generally a nice guy.  On slow days we talk about AP Gov and stuff.  Jeff also works at Roots, knows how to completely keep his cool and is trusted by Dave to get his job done.  The bussers are one tier below me.

Teighlor, Perri, and Me are Hostesses.  We seat people, keep a steady rotation between the servers so they get the same number of tables (which, btw, gets thrown out the window on busy days), bring toys to tables with kids, take drink orders from people who are waiting for a table (which is interesting, because I'm technicly not allowed to pour alcohol, just serve, so I have to get someone else to pour.  People also ask me which wines I prefer, even though I'm obviously not 21 yet), take carry out orders, keep people who are waiting happy, play tetris with the tables to get the optimal about of people seated as quickly as possible, and clean the menus and windows.  Britnee worked there the longest, and I think is Brad's sister.  She trained me and Perri and had a dirty mouth.  She's in Montana now, though. Teighlor has now worked there the longest of us three, and used to be a Server as well.  But, she took practicly the whole month of October off, so now she just Hosts.  That situation is a little fuzzy.  Teighlor does a good job when she's doing her job, and I like working with her because of it.  Her only flaw is that she's a snobby rich girl with an attitude problem, and Dave and Joey both know that.  Joey doesn't like her, and is waiting for her to quit. Perri is the newest of us, and works Thursdays and Fridays, and also has a job at Starbucks.  She's Keesa's sister.  There's a bit of tension between me and Perri, because she's one of the snobby girls, but she doesn't have a big attitude.  Teighlor works Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.  I work Monday through Wednesday.  There's no tension between me and Teighlor from my end, but Joey thinks that she's getting to be jealous of me because he keeps cutting her first when we work together (which is only twice) and had her doing rollups in the back when we were both working and we were low.

TERMS:

The Line: our kitchen is one big rectangle, that we really could set up a bunch of bar stools in front of.  The counter on one sid eof the kitchen that we pick food up on is called the Line, but the kitchen is also sometimes refered to as the line.

Cut:  Slang for "as soon as you finish what you're doing you can go home"

Rollups: Knife, fork, spoon, rolled in a napkin.

to Drop Food on table...: Take a plate of food from the line, look up on the ticket where it goes, wipe the edge of the plate and bring it to a table to the correct person number. 

Ticket: Food order receit for kitchen, server and hostess (when carry out) use.

Person Number: Starting from the closest person on the Server's left, the order goes clockwise.  EX:

              1  2                2  3
                                    1  4

"...Gonna Happen?": Are we going to get good business tonight?

on: working (who's on tonight?)

Push:  The high point of customer flow.  Can get pretty crazy.

Sections 1,2,3:  This may be obvious, but just the different areas where people can sit.  Section 3 is on the side, where you walk in.  Not many people like sitting there if they don't have to, because unlike 1 and 2, it's not 'where the action is'.  It's also the closest thing we have to a private section, which isn't much.  The tables are numbered by section.  Tables 10-16 are 1, 20-26 are two, and 30-35 are three.  In the summer, when we have the Patio open, those are 40-49, with 50 as the big picnic table.

Okay, I think that's it. on to my blogging.

----------------------------------

I wasn't supposed to work Friday night, but I got a call on thursday from Perri, so I canceled my plans.  Joey cut Teighlor first.  I was working for Perri.  Teigh was asking me if I would tell Joey that I wanted to stay later that night, so she could go home and avoid Dave because he was going to 'yell at her' about something.  I said I wasn't sure, because it was one of the days, Kayla, that you were going to leave a message on my phone.  Oh, now I remember.  It was the night when we went to Kyann's house and went walking around.  So later, business is pretty slow, so he asks us who wants to leave.  I found that odd, because normally I'd get off first, because Perri's shift technicly ends before Teigh's.  Well, Teighlor doesn't say anything, and I'm not going to volunteer myself, because you can make a crapload of tips on Fridays because so many servers are on, and lots of people do carry out.  Joey basically says, "well do rock paper sissors."  He comes back like two seconds later, and seeing as we didn't decide, cuts Teighlor.  

Basically, Joey doesn't seem to like Teigh too much because she has a nasty attitude, and is filthy rich and makes comments relating to it.  He says he's getting tired of always having to change the schedule, and seeing as I work pretty consistently on my shift, he'd rather have me take over her shift.  Frankly, if he had it his way I'd be working five days a week, just because I never take any time off.  (Total of two days since August, including this Wednesday.)

You know what I have to say?  HIGHER SOMEONE ELSE!!! 

Soundbites

*sigh*  Some people have already said it better...

Dancing when the stars go blue...

Look at this photograph, everytime it makes me...

I'm here without you, baby, but you're still with me in my dreams...

Carry meee, I'm just a dead man lying on the carpet...

Isn't it ironic?...

Hollowman, I don't wanna be liiike yooou...

Heaven's gates won't open up for me, with these broken wings I'm calling...

With drops of Jupiter in her haaaiiiir....

Wake me up when September ends...

Too young, for him they told her waiting for the love of a traveling soldier...

Two am and I'm still awake writing a song if I get it all out on paper it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to...

An eerily accurate quizzle

Stolen from Kayla.  Kinda crazy how close it is - with under 50 questions, too.

My Personality

Neuroticism	64
Extraversion	35
Openness To Experience	24
Agreeableness	13
Conscientiousness	61

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Bebo, Ugg Boots and MySpace Layouts by Pulseware Survey Software

Neuroticism

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score	64
Anxiety	56
Anger	57
Depression	74
Self-Consciousness	30
Immoderation	84
Vulnerability	57

Stressful and frustrating situations can often be upsetting to you, but you are sometimes able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. You are generally calm, although some situations can make you feel anxious or tense. You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. You tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you. You feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. High levels of stress can lead to you feeling panic or confusion, but usually you cope with day to day pressures.

 

Extraversion

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score	35
Friendliness	64
Gregariousness	24
Assertiveness	68
Activity Level	65
Excitement-Seeking	23
Cheerfulness	4

You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You generally make friends easily enough although you mostly don't go out of your way to demonstrate positive feelings toward others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. You are usually the leader in group activites. You lead a moderately paced life. You like some energetic activities, but also like to relax and take it easy. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits.

 

Openness To Experience

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score	24
Imagination	39
Artistic Interests	50
Emotionality	8
Adventurousness	39
Intellect	92
Liberalism	1

As a practical person you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative. You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition.

 

Agreeableness

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score	13
Trust	73
Morality (Moreso openess to reveal stuff)	1
Altruism	17
Cooperation	19
Modesty	38
Sympathy	29

People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You naturally assume that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You are willing to take credit for good things that you do but you don't often talk yourself up much. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

 

Conscientiousness

explanation   |   back to top

Overall Score	61
Self-Efficacy	84
Orderliness	40
Dutifulness	54
Achievement-Striving	63
Self-Discipline	21
Cautiousness	84

You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled. You believe that you have the intelligence, common sense, drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. You are a reasonably organized person and like to have a certain amount of routine in your life. You sense of duty and obligation is average and although you are mostly responsible you can sometimes be unreliable. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives. .

I've come to a conclusion

My dear St. Thomas Youth Groupies:

Lorin has been telling us repeatedly that this is OUR youth group, and we should act accordingly.  So I am.  I've been listening to lots of views and opinions on the different changes that are going to happen pretty soon, and I finally feel the need to spew officially. And please hear me out.

First off, I love you all very much.  We've been through a lot together, and that has to mean something.

Second, I think some of you are off your rocker, flying over the cookoo's nest, insane, and crazy for what I've been noticing. 

Bluntly, I think some of us have stopped acting like members of the youth group.  I know it sucks that Lorin's not going to be our official minister anymore, and I think yes, he most certainly is still one of my dear friends. 

But I don't like how some of us have started acting.  Some of the side comments being made, the knowing glances  (hell, me and Kayla are telepathic, I know what telepathy looks like) that tell me that some of you have changed.  I've heard so much crap about how the core of our YG is the 'elite' and no one else is allowed in.  Of course, it's not entirely that way.  But how true is it, that we have become the elite?  I think it comes down to this: are we Lorin's youth group, or the one at St. Thomas? 

Lorin has had a profound impact on each and every one of our lives, make no mistake.  Of course I still want to stay connected with him, and hang out and such.  But I have been getting the feeling of quite a lot of resistance to our new leader.  Yes, this is OUR youth group.  But we are getting a new leader.  And as a result, I think there is going to be a split between those who stay attached to Lorin as leader and those who are willing to take on the challenge of having a new one.  Lorin's said it a million times, I know.  But I don't think it's resonating.  I am still getting the impression that some of us aren't going to move with the changes, and that there inevitably will be a rift between the old gaurd and the new. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm staying at St. Thomas.  I'm sticking it out here.  Dammit, you guys!!  I know none of us can see the whole picture from the outside, including me.  But I don't like what I do see.  I'm not going to get into specifics online, I'd much rather tell you in person. 

Yeah, it sucks that times are changing.  Yeah, we want to be loyal to Lorin.  But I think some of what's been said about wanting to accept and change and move with the current is pure shit.  So decide.  Are we going to stay united at St. Thomas, and make this youth group work, or are we going to go off and do our own thing?  Because I'm staying here. 

That's right. Bow to the awesome glory of...

my Buffet R13.  Yeah, that's what I said.  I'm unstoppable now.  WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

 

*dances* 

 

His name is Lestat, and as soon as I get a pic I'm putting one up.

The results are in!

My SAT scores:

Test Date	Test	Score	National Percentile
06/2006	SAT Reasoning Test
	Critical Reading	630	84%
	Math	610	76%
	Writing	640
	Multiple Choice Essay	63 (score range: 20-80) 9 (2-12 scale)

 

That's a 1880 composite, thank you very much.  And for you old schoolers, 1240.

HELP!

In the midst of all my stress, I feel myself closing off from Kayla.  It's all self inflicted stress, I know.  Most of it rooted in deep seated issues that I've got with my various insecurities.  And I don't care.  It doesn't change anything.

But I can see it.  I see her having to deal with all this stuff, like DM tryouts and finals and any other excuse that I think of to make, and think that if I can just hold my own for a while then I can unload later when she's not so...preoccupied.  Or even better, it'll just go away before I have to unload on her. 

Maybe I just need to get it through my head that I'm not stressful to her.  But then, it's really not stressful to me when she unloads on me, so... I just don't want to hurt her. Evidently this course of action completely backfired last time.  I just...

I need to talk with her...really, really talk.  I don't want to be pushing her away.  I don't want to screw things up again. 

And I think she wants to talk to me, too.  But then, I'm not really trusting my instincts with what's going on with her.  I'm afraid to, that they may be wrong. I don't know...I need her, dammit, I do. But I don't want to seem self centered, either.  I don't want it to seem like I care only about spewing my crap to her, because I want her to spew back.  (bad image, I know).  I need to talk. 

We need to talk. 

 

Oh man.

YECK!

 

So much, so much crap in these past few days since I last put one of these up.  Yay for emotional rollercoasters.  Uck. uck uck. 

 

God I feel like crap.  I've got a tension headache.  Nothing too bad, just annoying.  I hate tension headaches.  Okay, so I really do kinda get a kick out of the pain (I'm turing into Kayla...lol), but still.  I lost my head for my German Oral today.  Only me and Steven had to go.  That was dumb.  I wanted to ace it, but I got a 22/25.  Ah well.  Still's good, still's good.  But sucks, because it's the easiest thing TO ace.  I just couldn't concentrate at all.  GRRRAAAH!  And I'm running for band president.  Why am I doing this?  Katelyn doesn't do this kind of stuff.  Sure, she thinks it'd be wicked awesome, and that she'd do an excellent job, but that whole fear of losing thing...yeah...not that it really makes a difference - I'm 90% sure I'll still be section leader if I lose.  Katelyn, Crystal, or Kurt....this should be interesting.  That's probably what was stressing me out so much during German today.  Mmmmm....And finals are coming up.  It completely pisses me off that I have to take the Chem Final.  I seriously am going to die.  But if I get a 100% on it (not a 99, mind you)  I'll get a 92.5 in the class.  Needless to say, I'm scared. And stressed.  I don't remember hardly any of that crap.  At least Kayla doesn't have to take it.  I would be jealous, and was for a bit, but I did get that "Outstanding English 11" award today (which made me kinda happy, despite the fact that I wore evil shoes for nothing), so I guess that makes us even.  : ^)  I don't know...And I've got a 79 in Calc.  79!!  I have to get an 84 on the final to bring it up to a B-.  Even if I completely aced the final I'd still have a B-.  But frankly I deserve like a D.  But For taking the AP test, I get an extra 10% added to my final score, so really I only need a 74 on the final.  Sweetness.  That, my friends, is attainable. Unlike chemistry.  But I'm still going for it.  History shouldn't be too bad.  I'm coming in Monday to talk with Loewen to see what I need to do with the Final to get/maintain my A.  He grades weird.  But in a good way.  Unlike Chemistry.  AND I blew up at Jess today...but what's new. 

I took a nap when I came home. I freaked out when I woke up - thought it was the next day.  Yay for REM sleep. 

All right.  I'm leaving now.  Got to get home and do homework and maybe call people.  Heh, I don't know how much longer I"ll be able to use the Youth Minister's computer...

My favorite...

1Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I ^(A)long to see, my joy and crown, in this way ^(B)stand firm in the Lord, my beloved.  2I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to ^(C)live in harmony in the Lord. 3 Indeed, true companion, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also and the rest of my ^(D)fellow workers, whose ^(E)names are in the book of life.  4^(F)Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. ^(G)The Lord is near.  6^(H)Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by ^(I)prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  7And ^(J)the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will ^(K)guard your hearts and your ^(L)minds in ^(M)Christ Jesus.  8Finally, brethren, ^(N)whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen ^(O)in me, practice these things, and ^(P)the God of peace will be with you. 10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last ^(Q)you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be ^(R)content in whatever circumstances I am.  12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going ^(S)hungry, both of having abundance and ^(T)suffering need.  13I can do all things through Him who ^(U)strengthens me.  14Nevertheless, you have done well to ^(V)share with me in my affliction.  15You yourselves also know, Philippians, that at the ^(W)first preaching of the gospel, after I left ^(X)Macedonia, no church ^(Y)shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving but you alone;  16for even in ^(Z)Thessalonica you sent a gift more than once for my needs.  17^(AA)Not that I seek the gift itself, but I seek for the profit which increases to your account.  18But I have received everything in full and have an abundance; I am amply supplied, having received from ^(AB)Epaphroditus what you have sent, ^(AC)a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God.  19And ^(AD)
my God will supply all your needs according to His ^(AE)
riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  20Now to ^(AF)
our God and Father ^(AG)
be the glory forever and ever. Amen.  21Greet every saint in Christ Jesus. ^(AH)
The brethren who are with me greet you.  22^(AI)
All the ^(AJ)
saints greet you, especially those of Caesar's household.  23^(AK)
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ ^(AL)
be with your spirit.

Oh man...

yeesh.  Life's kinda hectic right now...I really shouldn't be here, at church, for DTS because I haven't been home yet to do any reductions....oy.

I got the black page extra credit done for english.  Jones was amused by it.  So was I. :)  mmmm

I haven't read much.er, at all....I'll skim...

meh.

mmm, yes.

This weekend has been so counterproductive....I got half a reduction done, and haven't practiced my clarinet at all yet.  The pool here is nice, though.  Yeah, I'm at the Holiday Inn Express in Bend OR for the weekend.  My brother's got a baseball tourni. 

Jess has been a bit of a witch, but really I would expect nothing less.  Talking to Kayla for hours last night (this morning) was pretty thereputic.  mmmm...I'm in a quasi-Riceian state of mind.  Other than that I really want to complain, a LOT.  But I won't.  That'll just depress me.  And that won't do anybody any good. 

Mmmmm...I should write an RP.  Maybe. 

Skyler's got cool blogs.  Go see Skyler's blogs.

...

 

...

 

YEah.  I've got nothing more at the moment. 

 

Stuff

A few things:

 

I've been Confirmed!!! YAY!!! Katelyn Perpetua Marie Steinke. 

School is a stresss ball, but that stress ball is getting smaller.

I lost my chair in a challenge against Nathan.  But, I'm not torn up by it.  Yeah, It sucks monkey butt, but oh well, I'll challenge back.  Humility is good.

I love my friends.  End of story.

'get'

I'm sick of math.  I'm done with it this year.  DOne DONe DONE!

Misson Trip...yeah.  I get to go to Brewster!  Sweet, huh? And I 'get' to make a CD for the trip, if we have one...oi, I just want to leave on it.  ANd Steubenville.

I "GET" to go to Katherine's poor clare thing at Holy Rosary.  Joy...I wanted to so I said I would, but then I didn't, and then I did this morning, but now I don't want to.  But my mom said I didn't have to go to Faith Formation tomorrow night, so I could study then.  *sigh*  I just don't really want to.  But I feel obligated.  And I need to study...but is that just an excuse...?

Grr...Kayla was right, I should have brought my clarinet home.  Grrrr.  And last night I went and got my written part of my drivers test done - 20 out of 25.  STupid drinking & driving and bus questions.  And I chose the safer options!!!  Grrr.  I also didn't get to hang out with kayla, joe, tyler and the like after I got my test done, because I got a call from the Meany's reminding me that I set up babysitting four weeks ago for yesterday at 5.  THey called to remind me at four, when I was in line to schedule my drive.  GRRRR>  That pissed me off.  THe kids behaved though, and I made 40 bucks that I don't really need at the moment. 

Well, I should head out. My dad's waiting upstairs (I'm in lorin's office.  I wonder if I'll get to do this when the new guy gets here???).  I 'get' to go to John's game and maybe head over to HOly ROsary.  I don't want to go....but I feel obligated.  Grrrr....I'll figure that out later.

Kayla, call me sometime today.  : ) 

If everyone cared...

Hey everyone out there in computerland who reads my blogs...

Today's the first day (well, last night too)  that I've "been so high, higher than the clouds in the sky.  When I close my eyes and realise..."  (Phatmass Song).  This weekend I'm going on my parish's Spring Retreat.  We're going with St. Joe's and Our Lady of Lourdes', too.  64 kids are signed up already...

Guess who's doing one of the presentations for the prayer walk?  Yep, me!  Goody, huh?  A few minute shpiel on my usual topic(s), and pic a theme song.  I spent WAAAY too much time on my ipod trying to find a song, and I finally came up with...

NICKELBACK'S:

"If Everyone Cared"

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

[Chorus x2]

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

[Chorus]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

I <3 this song.  It'll be good.  I hope.  Now I just have to figure out what to say...no biggie, though. 

Alrighty, I've got to go.  Confirmation class is starting.  YAYNESS!

Honestly?

I dont' know.  Meh.  Life's just sorta blah.  My family's out of wack.  My academia's out of wack.  My soul is out of wack.  My entire life needs a tune up.

Honestly?  My family's messed up.  My dad's gone perpetually on work stuff. My mom is frazzled. WAAY frazzled, like perm gone horribly wrong frazzled.  My sister...is a freshman, but figuring stuff out.  My brother...is stressed, I think.  Me?  I want to go to college.  Away from here.

Honestly? School could be worse.  I'm getting my work in.  That's right, In.  Not necessarily completely done, but in.  Which is an improvement.  It sucks, though, that I got a 47/65 on my JRP speech. I really could have done better, and it sucks.  But I'm getting my calc, so that helps. 

Honestly? Socially...let's not go there. New word though.  Platonic.  That's me and you, Kayla.

Honestly? I'm not feeling it. I still believe it all.  Oh, yes.  But, I don't know.  I'm not feeling it.  ANything.  At All.  I felt something a while ago...but now...I just think it's a dip in this lovely roller coaster. I don't like being so numb, though.  Not numb.  Yeah, numb.  In a way.  Depleted.  The supporting actress that has a vital role, but only is in the play to play that one specific part, and after that is snuffed off because she's virtually useless after that and it adds to the greatness of the overall story.   Great, there was a purpose for my birth.  Joy.  What now? Empty shell, EMPTY SHELL!!!  A Ukrainian Easter Egg.  I don't get some things.  Am I meant to?  WHat's the point of it all?  I mean really, I'll play a supporting role.  I'm more comfortable in it anyway. 

Perpetua and Felicity both are saints.  Felicity was Perpetua's slave.  Perpetua was the one who wrote everything down, played the bigger role.  Felicity still has the saint title.

awwww....

Hey ya'll!  See that kid in the pic?  That's my boyfriend.  Isn't he cute? *giggles*

By popular demand...

I changed my pic.  Happy now?

How's that country song go?

So...I should probably update on finals week and such, huh?

Jazz Band: A

AP English: B , probably.  Got an 83 with the two combined parts of the final (100n the vocab, 10/15 on the AP practice test. grrrrrr...I got a 100 for nothing)

AP Calculus: Not sure, but I'm praying for a B.  I think I did well on the final, but I thought I did well on my Ch. 4 test and got a whopping 69å/P>

Chemistry: B.  *DEEP BREATH*  I'll talk about this in a sec.  It needs it's own paragraph.  Or not. Okay, so I think I actually may have potential to like Chemistry. Really.  But Palmer just frustrates me so much.  Choosing between getting 6 hours of sleep and busywork from chemistry isn't hard.  Sleep affects all my classes, end of story.  I was even nodding off in Minder's today (same time as my usual fifth, where I really have to struggle not to take a nap most of the time). 

Band: A.  Duh.  probably over a 100å/P>

US History:  A-, but might be an A after the final.  I really don't know.

German II: solid B.  40/50 on my Listening, 70/100 on my Written, 25/25 on my oral.  But miraculously, Minder curved the listening and writing.  So I went from a B- to a solid B.  Not too horrible, I guess.  But I kicked butt on the oral.  I'm really excited (or was) about that.

 

So yeah, Mostly B's.  I just...I don't know.  I'm so frustrated with everything.  German, yeah, I've come to expect a B.  Foreign language doesn't come naturally to me. English was an A for the longest time.  I don't know what happened there.  Calc...is a super challenge for me.  I just kinda suck at it.  So if I can keep a B in it, I'll be really happy.  I found out that Tim Shigeta is actually taking independant Calculus II, but just sits and learns in a Calc I (my level) class.  I really could use taking calc over again, just to really make sure I have the basics.  But frankly I'm going to need as much help as I can for college stuff.  I.e, I don't need to look bad.  History  should have been an A.  But oh well.  I"ll get like a 97 next semester.  Chem...blah.  Here's where my breakdown started.

Today I wasn't feeling that great, because even though I think I did pretty well on my Calc final, I don't think I did, because last time I felt this way I didn't do well, so...BLAH!  Anywho, I take the AP Practice test for English, and find out after school I only got ten right.  ThAT really kinda sucked.  I thought I actually did well on it, like at least a 12.  There were just too many that I came really close between two on.  I'm worried about what happens when we take the test in May...I've always practically bombed the Multiple Choice practices.   Found out I did okay in German, which was kinda nice, I guess.  Just didn't help really at all with me feeling kinda, "okay, this kinda went completely downhill from wednesday, when I did really well.  Evidentally, that was too good to be true.  I really should have foreseen that."  SO after school, I go with Kayla and check grades, hitting Palmers class.  What I translated from her was, " Kayla, good job, you get an A- for all your hard work. 'Now Katelyn, you didn't do so well (because, you know, 85n the final that half the kids failed isn't well)...*blah blah blah, my life is so hard grading finals, blah blah blah*...I can't decide whether to bump grades based on the raw score or with the curve..." 

If she based it on the curve (I'd get 93she'd bump my grade, raw score she wouldn't.  So YES, PALMER, PLAY WITH MY GRADE RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, I CERTAINLY DON'T CARE IF I GET A B OR B OR WHATEVER!  Of course, she chooses to go with the raw score.  So my grade stays a B.  All that crap I put into Chemistry was for nothing.  ABSOLUTELY nothing.

"You know you did sluff off towards the end..."

Oh, my dear teacher! Do you feel the need to really justify your not bumping my grade up?  Well, I'm so sorry but, TAKE YOUR FREAKING EXCUSES AND SHOVE THEM!!!!! 

Yes, I know I didn't do some of my stuff.  It's called, Junior research project, non fiction project, trying to learn calc because i've been doing CHEMISTRY in it for a few days, dealing with my family, trying to develope a spiritual life (we are even going into THAT minefield...yet) and doing the normal crap.  I don't care.  Yeah, I did sacrifice your class to the GPA gods.  Don't freaking treat me like i"m stupid.  School wasn't nearly as hard for you at my age than it is for me and my peers. 

AND SHE FREAKING DOES GET PAID FOR MONDAY!!!! IT'S A TEACHER INSERVICE DAY!!!!!!! 

--------------------------------

     "Drive out pitilessly the instinctive feeling of superiority, which blinds those who are in a dominant position here below nad who forget that many of these poor, who are their brother, are very often much superior to them in the spiritual and supernatural order.
     Thus, yhou must not bluntly tell someone who is not a saint and who trembles under the weight of a trial - perhaps an old man bent by age and physical deficiencies - 'You have only to abandon yourself to the will of God, and you will have a more beautiful Heaven one day.' That could appear to be patronizing and a way of shruggin off his complaints.
     However, you must always bear in mind that little by little, with a thousand light touches of tact, that is the point at which you must arrive."  - From I Believe in Love, pages 183-184

Yeah. Basically the complete definition of my spirituality at this point.  Yes, I comprehend what I read for DTS.  Right now I just feel like the old man bent by age and physical deficiencies.  I feel like this book wasn't written for me.  Yes, maybe eventually.  Yes, I'm of course not entirely 'spiritually ready' to fully understand and should learn what it teaches (I hate saying that...takes way to much humility for my taste).  But I can't be fixed in an instant.  I don't know where to go, really.  The people I sorta let in on my whole state try their best, I know must be.  But it isn't really working.  I honestly just don't know what to do. 

--------------------------------

Between school and the spiritual plane, I feel like I should be at a point farther ahead.  I feel like I'm in a maze, and I haven't come up with a way out yet and the rest of my companions have.  And here I go, getting all emotional again. Guess that means I'll stop for the moment.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I officially say TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!

Oh, @.$%

I effing cracked the effing screen on my iPod.  DAMN!!

 

The music still plays.

 

Effing warrenty doesn't cover it. 

 

My parents didn't get mad when I told them.  I wasn't planning to for a bit, but it sorta just came out. 

 

Just shoot me now. 

*Screams*

 

...

 

*cries*

 

...

 

I need to get back to writing my journals for english.

Cannot find server - refresh and try again.

Uck.  And the time is...2:25.  AM.  Joy. That means, with pit tomorrow...three whole effing hours of sleep.  And it's my fault.  I didn't have to wait until nine to get more research.  I didn't have to wait until 11 to start writing.  And I'm a quote short.  But I couldn't care less.  And guess what?  IT"S ONLY THE FIRST STUPID DRAFT!!!!!! 

And I'm getting all B's this semester besides my two band credits.  STupid STUPID STUPID!!!!!!!  Bye, bye, G P A!!!

Uck. 

triple uck.

I need therepy.

It's cold.

2:27.

Dial up isn't as slow when your computer is actually working. 
I procrastinated by messing with the DTS website.  It's all up to date now, in case anyone's wondering. 
Pit starting in four hours.  Heh heh...  My paper's due in five.
You'd think that I'd learn that it takes three hours to write one.  Always does...
Man, this one cup of coffee is really keeping me up.  I drank it at 10 or 11, I forget. 
The skin under my nails looks purply.  *pokes*
I'm a bit cold.
I think I'm crashing now.  Must try to reboot.

...

Didn't work.

2:33

...

Is three hours (2 1/2!) better than no sleep at all?  Kayla would know.  Too bad she's not online now.  *smirks*.  Guess I'll find out the hard way.

Good Morning.