Some people say it quite well.

Let Me Go Pt. 2

There was once a time
When I tried to refine
A system that would address
All of the questions of existence
Like is there one truth
Or just different points of view?
Are we struggling towards a goal
Or is the value in the struggle?
Or is there something
That’s worth believing?
Is there no meaning after all
Or are we all just accidental?
But the more I wondered
The more I thought and the less I bought
The harder it was to raise my voice or to make a choice

Is it all controlled or just a matter of chance?
Is it too late now, can I take it back?
Is all we are just circumstance?
Well I honestly still cannot say now that I’m looking back

Is it all controlled or just a matter of chance?
Is it too late now, can I take it back?
Is all we are just circumstance?
Well you can ask these questions but they will not be answered back

Oh when we were youth and spoke the truth
Oh when the world was new and we were too
Oh when there was truth and no need for proof
Oh didn’t it seem to you there was nothing we couldn’t do?

Please let me go right now

bohemia

Stupid thing got deleted.

my problem?  If I can't accept myself, who else can?  And I'm afraid I'll somehow screw up everything that keeps me sane. 

I'm also and island.  Until certain people understand this, it's going to cause me stress.  I can't help it. 

It's all Bohemian, really.

Heh, we're doing the sorrowful mysteries at Adoration.  What a concept.  At least somebody is listening. 

Oh, BAH!

I don't know.  I think Christ has banished my doubts, no, I know He has.  But I feel so...lukewarm. I wish He'd just hurry up and make me completely devoted to Him.  But evidentally that's not what He wants.  The process is what He wants, and it kinda sucks at times.

*sigh* I find myself wondering about the upcoming school year.  I don't have any apparent conflicts with any teachers for once, so that end's okay if I don't screw it up.  My friends...it'll take some navigating in that area, but I'm a decent pilot.  What concerns me the most is...my christianity.

I don't know what I'm going to have to 'give up' to be closer to Him - stuff that isn't focused on Him, which is where my focus should be.  I don't know how to balance earth with heaven.  I've never done it before.  I need to make the effort.  And dang it, saying so isn't going to make it happen.  I just want to be close to Him, and for it to be okay to be close to Him.  For so many people, it's weird to be like that.  I have to keep reminding myself that that's how it's supposed to be.  To be living in the world, but not of it.  I wish I didn't get so much fun out of this world, though.  That would definitely make things a whole lot easier. 

I just want to go home.  And He won't let me. 

Yet.

There are some nice things down here in exile. 

Adoration.  Good friends.  Apostrophes.  Sunsets. 

DAMMIT I WISH PEOPLE CARED!

I wish people cared about the truth, to never stop trying to seek more and more of it, to always hunger for a deeper love for Him.  *curls up*

And yet...

When I talk to others, read their blogs...I am consoled.  I am not alone.  There are people out there who really do care, and are doing something about it. 

My dear God, help me.  Help others. Use me as an instrument of your grace and words.  Use others to speak to me.  Help me.  I am nothing without you.